Creating a loving, healthy, and enduring relationship is obviously not easy—maintaining it is even harder. When your relationship isn’t secure and you feel a “disconnect” with each other, there’s nowhere to go but downhill.
Although there is no one-size-fits all approach to something as complex as relationships, there are certain qualities that protect the foundation of your bond.
If you are not quite ready to see a therapist for some counseling or CBT therapy, but truly wish that you can improve your relationship, you need to start focusing on building these traits together.
Being Responsive
This one is pretty obvious—respond when your loved one comes to you. Pretty simple right? But believe it or not, most people are guilty of not being responsive enough.
If you can’t respond to your loved one because you absolutely need to finish what you’re currently doing, let them know you will get back to them as soon as you can and make it clear. Make sure to attend to your loved one later to honor your commitment and protect their trust.
Icing each other out, whether intentionally or unintentionally, could lead to all sorts of problematic and hurtful outcomes, and responsiveness is one way to stop that.
Being Accessible
Individuals need to feel that their loved one is always accessible to them. To encourage accessibility, pay close attention to your loved one and try to be sensitive to their behavior.
Yes, it can be extremely hard to “talk it out” when you’re always fighting and disconnected, but your loved one might attempt to connect with you in a manner that’s more subtle so try to gauge their cues.
It’s likewise vital that you let your loved one know that even if when times are tough, you’ll try your best to listen. A lot of people just long to be listened to, and just need someone to empathize with them. You can be more accessible to your loved one simply by listening and then validating their feelings, whatever they may be.
Being Emotionally Engaged
Feeling all kinds of emotions is hard, but understanding them is even more challenging. Above all else, love is essentially an emotional bond between people who choose to work on their relationship—as corny and cliché as this sounds—for better or for worse.
It’s very important for you and your loved one to engage and connect with each other emotionally; even at times when your emotions are not really leaning towards the lovey-dovey, snuggly kind. The more you are engaged with your loved one emotionally, the stronger and more solid your bond will be.
So, the next time you and your loved get into a really terrible spat, it’s best to stop and mull things over to pinpoint the reason why you’re fighting. It’s possible that you’re both just struggling and seeking for connection, but don’t know how to communicate that. But being more accessible, responsive, and engaged emotionally will help you sort of your tiffs more quickly and strengthen your relationship.
