They call it tough love. It’s when you sit down with a person you care about to discuss matters that could hurt them. One such matter is about their insecurities. This is especially true when your loved one starts to project these emotions to the people around them and end up causing trouble.
Maybe their insecurities aren’t as burdensome for other people as it is on them. It could be affecting their job performance, and they could be turning down opportunities they’ve always wanted.
Whatever it is, insecurities aren’t something they need to deal with on their own. Pick a cozy cafe or plan a staycation to set the ambiance and help them identify the root of their insecurities. To give you an idea, here are three common causes you can refer to.
A Lot of People Suffer from Social Anxiety
Nobody likes to be judged. Some people fear the prospect of it to the point of avoiding all social interactions. On the other hand, some cope with it by bullying or excluding others to make themselves feel better. Both defense mechanisms can have detrimental effects on their lives, particularly on their relationships.
This is not an easy conversation to have as it can hurt their ego, but it’s one you need to start anyway. Social anxiety triggered by their peers or social media could affect their lives in other ways, too. In particular, women try to achieve unrealistic beauty standards and suffer from low self-esteem when they can’t reach them. These standards set by Hollywood, influencers, and other global brands account for depression and even eating disorders.
Through this act of tough love, you’re giving them the proper outlet they need for their insecurities. More serious issues might require you to seek treatment options for bulimia nervosa or other disorders they’ve developed. They have a long way to go, but at least they’ve taken the first step with you.
A Lot of People Fear Failure and Rejection
Failure and rejection can traumatize a lot of people. Those experienced during their formative years can have a lasting impact on their lives without them realizing it. In the same way, recent events can also lead to a build-up of fear.
Research revealed that up to 40% of people’s “happiness quotient” is influenced by life events that just happened. It also shows that unhappiness is a primary factor in the state of a person’s self-esteem. Insecurities triggered by unhappiness and disappointment need to be processed. What better way to do that than through meaningful conversations with people they trust?
Your effort to reach out is exactly what they need to heal and bounce back. It’s through you that their self-esteem can be reinforced, and they’ll start to look at the bigger picture of life.
A Lot of People Are Perfectionists
Perfectionism is tricky to deal with. People in pursuit of perfection experience a self-esteem boost when they do things right. That same self-esteem plunges to the ground the moment they commit a misstep. Their focus on the outcome can lead to trouble with their colleagues, but mostly with themselves. It’s important to sit them down to discuss this because self-esteem reliant on every achievement is unhealthy.
Like with all other insecurities, perfectionism can find its roots in childhood experiences and relationships. Did their parents drive them to do everything right all the time? Did they feel less loved whenever they did something wrong, no matter how small?
Talking to them about these things will help them address the real problem. When you tackle the real cause, people start to heal and develop healthy and sustainable self-confidence.
Do Everything in Love
Tough love doesn’t mean calling them out ruthlessly for their behavior. You can always address their issues with kindness and understanding. One conversation might not be enough, but it’s a much-needed precursor in their journey to a better version of themselves.
